there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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