Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
