I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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