literally had 100 drinks last night.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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