I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
