I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
