hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
