just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
