he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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