im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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