So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
