i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize