Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
