3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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