how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
