I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
