i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
