Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize