Little spoons don't ask big questions
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize