I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
