FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
