I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
