You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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