Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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