I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize