Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.