If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
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Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
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Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN