Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.