Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other