Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...

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(631): I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf... http://tfl.nu/qnwa

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.

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(774): his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW. http://tfl.nu/joal

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(503): View more from Oregon

New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.

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(503): New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter. http://tfl.nu/mtsq

Replies (9) Good night (2750) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
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(727): View more from Florida

I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.

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(727): I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused. http://tfl.nu/bje5

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(917): View more from New York City

My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.

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(917): My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays. http://tfl.nu/9drw

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(618): View more from Illinois

i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.

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(618): i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette. http://tfl.nu/cqrz

Replies (38) Good night (1310) Bad night (7140) Order T-Shirt
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on

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(864): I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on http://tfl.nu/cdph

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.

(1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

You make your fellow Jews happy.

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(412): I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more. (1-412): You make your fellow Jews happy. http://tfl.nu/gpio

Replies (16) Good night (6201) Bad night (914)
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(858): View more from California

I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"

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(858): I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits" http://tfl.nu/l1ei

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(816): View more from Missouri

So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.

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(816): So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me. http://tfl.nu/bb44

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(330): View more from Ohio

Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?

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(330): Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway? http://tfl.nu/zrwz

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable

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(612): Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable http://tfl.nu/0g8x

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.

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(405): I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation. http://tfl.nu/hpn0

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(587): View more from Alberta

So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck

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(587): So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes. (403): Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck http://tfl.nu/3zrr

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(417): View more from Missouri

I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.

(417): View more from Missouri

I will make you one.

(417): View more from Missouri

Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it

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(417): I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal. (417): I will make you one. (417): Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it http://tfl.nu/hpb9

Replies (5) Good night (778) Bad night (585)

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