My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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