I should be sponsored by Trojan
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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