Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
