saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
