Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
