He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
