what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....