It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the evidence from last night is not good...
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?