i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
