wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.