I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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