When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
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I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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