i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
