I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
