Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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