I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All I want is dick and wine.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
