Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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