You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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