Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
