my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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