There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
