I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
