He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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