What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
