so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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