I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
