i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
