it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
