so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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