we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
