I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize