This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
