Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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