I think my fart just growled at me.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
