i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
