And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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