her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
