too bad you live with your parents still
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
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You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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