She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
