"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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