Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
