I want to walk on stilts...naked
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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