i think i have herpe
just one?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
