He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
